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Literature Text
Author's Note: I've been playing Mario games since he was "Jumpman" in Donkey Kong, so there's a lot of info from the games, books, toys, and anything else Nintendo makes with him. I understand the Super Mario Movie and cartoons are not canon, but I do use some of the cartoon lore in here for filler info. Also, according to Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario's creator, Mario is 5'1'' and 25 years old, such info I have used to make more sense of less profiled characters. So knowing this, please don't freak out about certain characters being so-so feet tall and so-so years old. I mean, if that stuff freaks you out then, spoiler alert, Mario is not a plumber anymore and I will make note of it in the story. Timeline wise, I'm placing this before the Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions, Super Mario Odyssey, and Mario Party: The Top 100 games, those I have yet to properly think of ways to intergrade into this story, plus most of those games haven't even been released yet. But enough of me rambling, you want to lose yourself in a story, so here it is. Enjoy. ^_^
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Night had descended on the land. Evening meals had been consumed. Beds were filled with tired bodies longing for rest. Yet one of these beds is less restful than the rest. The Koopa King was, for lack of better words, annoyed as hell. For one, his trusted adviser made an ill-advised call and hired the two people he hates almost as much as he hates the Mario Brothers. Then when he was looking forward to a nice dinner with his son and the woman his heart desires, he ends up dinning alone because they decided to eat with his other children. So instead of calming down through amusing chatter, he brooded in his frustration and due to this, sleep was being less than kind to him.
Bowser tosses and turns, but he just can't make himself comfortable. Something is preventing him from feeling right. Something is just off. But what? Were the pillows not fluffed just right? Were the sheets overly starched and tucked in too tight? Was the food not hot and filling? Were his boxers giving him a wedgie? Was the room too dark or not lit enough? What is his ability to sleep's major malfunction?!
Maybe a long drink would help him clock out. Fumbling around his nightstand, his claws grasp the tall glass bottle and he smiles while bringing it to his lips. Sadly, his smile morphs into a grouchy snarl and the bottle is thrown across the room, resulting in it shattering with emptiness.
"*low rumble* Curse this night. *groan* All I want to do is sleep...IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!"
This now presented Bowser with a choice. He could either continue to lay there and hope that sleep would take him in the next five minutes, or he could get up then go down to the wine cellar for a fresh bottle only to then haul his scaly butt back up to bed. Both of these options were their own level of annoyance. But who's to say which one of the two would bring about the results he was wanting. So with that in mind, he mentally flipped a coin and sat up. Looks like he's going for a walk to the cellar.
Putting his shell back on, the very agitated King leaves his room with a visible aura that roars "DON'T GET IN MY WAY!" and if looks could kill, well, any poor soul that happened to catch a glimpse of him would surely poof into coin by force of his glare alone. A cranky Bowser is a dangerous Bowser. His path is burned into his memory. It doesn't take him long. Hallways look the same in his state, but instinct leads him to where he wants to be. The cellar is the one area in the entire castle that is cold, not including the freezer in the kitchen, and for this reason, it makes the best place to hold champagne or wine.
All champagne and wines need to be stored away from light, especially direct sunlight and fluorescent fixtures. UV rays can cause the drink to be 'light struck,' giving them an unpleasant smell. Darker bottles are better protected and some bottles have UV filters built into the glass, but enough UV rays can still penetrate to ruin it. Bottles need to be stored on their side, especially the corked bottles. If they are stored upright for a long amount of time, the corks will dry out, and air will eventually get inside, spoiling it. Also for extended aging of wine (over 1 year), refrigeration is a must in most parts of the world; even a below-ground cellar is not cool enough. The storage temperature should not go over 75˚F (24°C), for longer than brief spans of time. At 75°F, the liquids begins to oxidize. An ideal temperature for storing a varied collection is 54°F (12.2°C). Letting the temperature drop below 54°F won't hurt it; it'll only slow down the aging process. Rises in temperature can also force liquid through the cork; drops cause air to be sucked back in. So a cooling system is in place to keep things perfectly chill. The temperature in a storage area should be as constant as possible. All changes should occur slowly. The greater the changes in temperature a bottle suffers, the greater the premature aging of the drink from over breathing. The temperature should never fluctuate more than 3°F (1.6°C) a day and 5°F (2.7°C) a year, especially with red wines, which will suffer more temperature-related problems than white wines.
Each bottle is secured to prevent movement. Vibrations may negatively affect the alcohol. High humidity keeps the corks from drying and minimizes evaporation. The system doesn't allow the humidity to go too much over 70%, however, because it can encourage the growth of mold and cause labels to loosen. A hygrometer is used to track the moisture conditions and humidifying or dehumidifying techniques are used as needed. Good ventilation helps prevent musty odors from entering the bottles. And all bottles are stored for an appropriate amount of time. Not all booze improve over time. Generally, new world, inexpensive wines or champagne will not improve. Red wines can be stored and aged for anywhere between 2-10 years to mature. This, however, depends on the type of red wine and the balance of its sugar, acid, and tannins. Most white wines should be consumed after 2-3 years of storage (though select White Burgundies "Chardonnays" can be aged for over 20 years). Vintage Champagnes will generally last around 5-10 years before it starts to lose its fizz. Please note that this is from the date of purchase, and not from the date of Vintage that is displayed on the label of your bottle. Vintage Champagnes are typically aged in cellars for around 4 to 5 years before they hit the shelves. Non-Vintage Champagnes will expire a little more quickly after around 3-4 years after purchase and are aged for 2 to 3 years before that before they are available for sale.
Though now down here, a new question popped up in his head. Which was he in the mood for? Ha! Trick question. The answer is clearly all of the above. This is how he came to be guzzling his way back to his room with one arm loaded with four large bottles.
"*gulping into a hefty sigh* Oh yeah, that's the stuff! Nothing like a good drink to help me sleep."
"Good evening, Lord Bowser..."
A solitary Boo phased through walls, simply like it's enjoying a leisurely stroll.
"Such a nice night for a walk. Wouldn't you agree?"
"...Walk? You do know you don't have legs, right?"
"Semantics."
"Right...Whelp...See you later. Or not. I don't really care what you spooks do."
With that Bowser keeps on moving, wanting only to return to his bed and pray that this time sleep will come. Except...Now there's a Boo hovering close behind him and it's starting to kill his buzz before it can even begin.
"Can I help you with something or are you trying to tick me off?"
"Nope. Just enjoying this night."
"Then go do it somewhere else."
"But nights like this aren't for those to be alone. It's a special time after all."
"...What?"
"Have you not seen it? The moon is blue."
That stopped the King in his tracks.
"It is?"
The Boo merely snickered before vanishing, typical of a spirit causing unknown mischief. Still...Maybe that ghoul was telling the truth. It wouldn't hurt to check it out. Maybe a little detour is okay, then off to bed. So while still drinking, Bowser wanders over to a nearby window opening and sees if it's true. Lo and behold, there it was. Peeking through the dark clouds, the normally silver orb that hangs in the sky is now painted in a shade of azure.
"Whoa..."
Amazing. He had ruled here for ages and yet this was the first time he had seen this. It made him feel foolish. Though not so foolish due to the alcohol.
*roar*
What was that? Where did it come from?
"*soft* Do that again. I freaking dare you."
Sounds like it's outside. The garden maybe? But who would be outside at this hour? Bowser looks at the bottles in his arm and sighs before tucking them away in his shell. Looks like sleep will have to wait just a little longer. Not like he could sleep while knowing someone was out there without his say.
[Meanwhile: In the garden]
"Do I really have to tell you AGAIN?"
I slap the top of the Bone Piranha Plant the children got for me and it snarls back as I rub my sore arm.
"No biting. If you bite me, I will be very mad. And if I'm mad, then you don't get treats. At best, you can nibble, but no bites."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"No! I told you this before. I can't take noticeable damage. Do you know the hell I'd get from them if they wake up to see me with teeth marks all over?"
"*indiscernible growls*"
"What do you mean you don't care?! You're root's on the line too. They'll get rid of you if they find out you wounded me."
"*indiscernible snapping*"
"Hey! Watch your language."
The plant snarls but lowers its head in understanding. Since getting this thing, I've been sneaking out when able to feed it and spar. It's a habit I have that I would do back at my old Mushroom Kingdom home. The Piranha Plants that grew around my house, or rather, the ones I planted around my house, I used them for defense. These nasty plants are the perfect guards if they are bordered around the area just right. Their only weakness? Sleeping, a fireball from a Fire Flower, a Super Leaf tail-spin, Super Star, or a Gold Flower, a hungry Yoshi, sickness, kicking a Shy Guy, Koopa or Buzzy Beetle shell at them, hammers, punches, spraying water into their mouths until they blow up, stomping or jumping on their heads, ice balls from an Ice Flower, hunger, projectile Yoshi eggs, turnips, and depending on the type, anything that flies. Wow...um...Maybe I've relied on these too much?
Weaknesses aside, they make up for it in attacks, especially when they have free roam in the earth and not in a pot of some sort. This is why I train with them, well, only the ones that I know are going to not try to kill me. Sadly, I'm only limited to this one stubborn bonehead while I stay in Castle Koopa and it likes to forget to play nice when it gets bored. The last thing I need is puncture wounds from teeth being very obvious on my bloody body. Hell, the kids are already uppity over old marks on me, new ones will only cause alarm I don't want or need. But I need to spar. I need to keep I shape. Things are happening and I need to be ready for anything. Plus this lets me work out my frustration by attacking. Yay for therapeutic violence!
"*indiscernible growls*"
"I am not distracted."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"You bit me only because my guard was down on that side. It's called a blind spot."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"I was not distracted!"
"*indiscernible growls*"
"Sarcasm is unbecoming of you."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"No, you don't get a treat for biting me."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"Oh? And what possible information could you have that is treat worthy?"
"*indiscernible snarls*"
That makes me pause and this plant smirk while folding its leaves smugly.
"Okay, that's treat worthy."
It trills joyfully as I take a bit of scrap food from my pocket and toss it into its hungry maw.
"By the way, how are you doing that? Eating I mean. The food doesn't fall through your skull holes and when you 'swallow' it doesn't have a stem to go down. So...What's up with that?"
"*indiscernible noises*"
"...That only makes me more confused."
It shrugs and I dust myself off.
"So...That's really the juice on the grapevine? Mario and Luigi are already past the fourth castle?"
It nods its head.
"No wonder Bowser is suddenly doing this marriage thing. Time is limited now. Each day, they get closer. They're forcing his hand now. Damn it. The wedding day is coming soon."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"That's not a swear."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"No, it's not."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"That, that right there was a swear. Bad Bones, very bad."
It snickers at me and I stretch into a fighter's stance.
"Okay, giggles, you ready to continue?"
"*indiscernible purrs*"
"I swear...You seem to enjoy this more then you should."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"Okay, just remember the rule. No biting. You can do anything to defend yourself, but no biting. Just as I can do anything to defend from you."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"What? It's totally fair. You can't be hurt by anything I do to you and I'm not aiming to kill you."
It wriggles annoyed.
"Don't cop an attitude with me."
It mocks me with its leaves and I am unamused.
"Okay, have it your way."
I swipe at its head and it ducks into the ground. I put my guard up and stay on alert. It has the advantage like this. It could pop up anywhere. Ground rumbles. I look for clues where it'll sprout. Suddenly I'm tossed into the air as it springs under me and I fall on top of its head. It attempts to buck me off but I hold on and the wrapping of my arms around its head shuts its mouth. It fanatically tries to shake me off, thrashing violently, yet for my own fun I say on and try to set a personal record.
"*indiscernible growls*"
"Want me off? Then try harder!"
"*indiscernible snarls*"
"I don't care if others see. If you think that bothered me then I would've stopped five guards ago."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"What do you mean it's not a guard?"
"Spitfire?"
The plant freezes when I flinch then it slowly turns us around to so see Bowser standing there with a bottle in hand and a confused look on his face.
"H-Hey there...Heh...You're up late."
"I can say the same about you."
Sensing an opportunity, the Bone Piranha Plant jerks me off and retreats into the soil of the garden to hide. Now on my butt, I giggle nervously about the situation.
"So...I bet you're thinking this looked weird."
"Just a little bit, yeah."
"How much did you see?"
"Enough to know I can trust you to win rodeo contests in the future."
"Heh, yeah."
"So...You do this often?"
"Do what?"
"This. Sneak out and doing whatever it is you were doing."
I sigh and rub my arm.
"Lynsie?"
"It's nothing you need to worry about. Just needed to vent a little."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"Do you wanna talk?"
He offers me his empty hand and I just stare at it. The longer this drags on the more his face frowns.
"Is something wrong?"
I'm not sure how to be around him anymore. I pick myself up.
"We should go to bed."
He looks hurt.
"Yeah...I guess you're right."
I feel bad. The guy is sweet and he cares about me. But this Peach wedding stuff...I don't know what to do about it. I try not to make eye contact as I move past him.
"Are you mad at me?"
I wince at his voice.
"No, I'm not mad at you."
He follows me.
"Then can I ask why you seem mad?"
"I'm not mad."
"Then why are you...?"
"Stop!"
He flinches.
"Just stop. I'm not mad. I come out here to spar with the plants and vent out my frustration. That's it."
"But why are you frustrated? Did the kids do something? I told them to lay off you for a while."
"I don't want to talk."
That seems to end things as we enter the castle. Man, booze really makes him chatty. Because not even ten steps into our stone home does he start up again.
"Are you upset about the wedding?"
Thank god he can't see how hard I'm rolling my eyes.
"I know you don't like the idea of me marrying Peach. I don't like it either. But you have to understand, it's the only way I can take what's hers."
No, it's not. You can kill her and usurp her rule by default. You're only keeping her alive to enjoy humiliating her, breaking all that she has made.
"It's my destiny to rule the Mushroom Kingdom. It's the start of a better Kingdom. A better place for us all. Surely you can understand that."
Of course, I understand. I just don't like that one step in how you mean to do it.
"I'm sacrificing to make everyone happy. The needs of the people outweigh my needs."
I know. That's why you're a great King. It's why you are my King.
"Lynsie, please...Say something. Even if it's to tell me to shut up. I just want to hear your voice."
Argh! My heart! Damn him for being nice.
"Lynsie?"
"...Did they really make it past Castle Four already?"
This confuses him.
"Wha...How do you...?"
"We'll have to be ready to defend the base. We must show no mercy."
His hand on my shoulder makes me stop walking.
"Tell me what is going on with you?"
"Why do you assume something is wrong?"
"Because for one, you're acting weird. And second, you won't look at me. I'd have to be way more plastered to miss signs as big as those."
Okay, Lynsie, don't baby this man. Set the line and stick to it. If he really cares as much as he says, he'll make the choice to either stay behind it or cross it for you. Be strong girl. You can do this.
I turn around to face him with my arms folded behind me. I put on a strong front while meeting his confused and buzzed eyes.
"There is nothing wrong with me, my King. I have only been doing what is necessary. I am tending to the children. I am preparing for the fights to come. I am set to take on any that set foot uninvited in this castle. Such is my duty to the crown and your family."
"You don't have to sound so robotic about it."
"My advice, you should spend less time worrying about me. Go to bed and get some sleep. It's getting late and you have much to do tomorrow."
"How do you...What...Who is telling you all these things that even I'm just learning about?!"
"Focus, my King. You don't want to look like a fool in front of Peach, do you?"
That seems to make something in his head click.
"Oh...Oh, I get it now."
I cock my eyes in curiosity.
"You're mad about the engagement party."
My curiosity dies along with my mood. But he doesn't seem to pick on this shift when he pulls me close and wraps an arm around my shoulders like we're buddies.
"Look, there's no reason to be mad or jealous about this little thing. *takes a drink* It's just a formality. You know...See if she'll make the wedding part easier by going along with it. You have nothing to fear."
I don't know if it's because he's drunk or if he just doesn't get it, but I'm starting to really get pissed off.
"Fear?"
"I only have eyes for you, spitfire. That royal pain can't batter those baby blues and have me melt. Nope. Not anymore. You're the cat's meow. *laughter*"
The cat joke tickled him extra due to the drink. He's busting a gut and slapping my arm in his merriment. Unfortunately, he's hitting the arm that my buddy Bones had bit. So this has me bite my tongue and jerk away from him, holding the sore spot defensively much to his confusion.
"Hey now, heh, you're not getting soft on me, are you? It was just a tap."
I've had my fill of him for the night. I don't want to continue, if it does I might explode and that's bad.
"Goodnight, my King."
I aim to walk away. Yet he follows and keeps drinking.
"Come on, it's a just a joke. Lighten up."
"I said, goodnight."
"What's with the formalities? You know you can say my name. In fact...It would really be sweet of you to say my name with a cute smile. Maybe come back to my room. Maybe we can cuddle. Then you can give me a little kiss?"
Damn it, Bowser!
"Will you back off already!?"
I snap.
"I'm trying to be nice about all this! I'm trying to not make this uncomfortable! I'm trying to ignore all the blatant stupidity of going along with this scheme! So stop pushing my buttons before I #%*&$ jump out a window!"
My rage must have snapped him sober because the glossiness in his eyes burns away to clarity.
"What the hell is your problem all of a sudden?"
You just have to keep this conversation going, don't you?!
"My problem? My problem is you!"
"Me? What did I do? I've been nothing but nice to you."
"Don't make this out that I'm the villain here. You're the one that is being stupid."
He glares at me hard.
"Watch your mouth, Lynsie. You don't want to say something you can't take back."
"The Mario Brothers are reaching the halfway point and instead of making sure that we're ready for those two, you're organizing a party to propose to a woman that despises you? News flash! She's going to say no! Nothing you do will make her agree! She will take and take and take until she's had her fill, then rip your heart out in front of your eyes, then grind her heel into it for good measure. This is not only a waste of time and resources but without a doubt, it is the most asinine plan I have ever heard."
"Lynsie...You forget your place."
"Oh? Heh, I know where I stand here. I'm the girl that takes care of everything, from your kids to even you, and you supposedly love me. Yet you're going to great lengths to sway that pink prissy #%*&$? No! I don't think so. I'm not dealing with that kind of crap. So you can take your delusional plan and cram it down that bottle because that's the only thing you'll be kissing!"
Suddenly I'm on the floor. It happened so fast that I didn't even register it. I look up at Bowser, his free hand appeared to have been swung and regret took his features. Slowly it dawned on me what happened, though the taste of blood helped. He smacked me. Didn't help that he's super strong so that even a light smack was like a punch. But he hit me. He actually hit me.
"Lynsie...I...I didn't mean..."
My brain is in shock. I know I was lashing out, I deserved some sort of reprimand, but I didn't think he would respond like that. The champagne. It had to be that damn drink. I can't fully blame him for this. But I sure as hell won't let him off easy either. King Koopa's gonna learn the hard way what happens when you fuck up with me. I get up off the floor and look him dead in the eyes.
"Go to bed, my King. You have much to do and little time left to do it in."
With that, I turn on my heel and begin the walk to Jr.'s room.
"Lynsie! Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"
I just walk away. I hope you like stew, Bowser. Because you're going to brew in some for a good long time. This was not how I expected the night to end. It could've been worse though. It could've been much worse. For that, I'm okay with. I can only hope sleep will help me get over most of this insanity.
Bowser couldn't move. He could only watch her slowly disappear into the shadows of the hallways. He fucked up and fucked up big time. His hands were shaking. The back of his left hand could still feel the side of her face on his scales. He looked down at his right hand, the near-empty bottle he held reflected everything he hated at that moment. He felt like puking. In disgust, he smashes the bottle on the floor.
"What have I done?"
He wanted to run after her. To beg, plead, and grovel at her feet in hopes of forgiveness. He wanted to but his body refused to move from that spot. No way in hell she would want to see his mug after that. Not so soon at least. He was going to pay the price for his actions this night and the price was going to be astronomical. Way to go Bowser, a girl actually likes you and you hit her because she mouthed off.
Feeling lower than dirt, he skulks his way to his room, practically dragging himself there. Once inside, he took off his shell and the three remaining bottles tucked inside clattered to the floor. Those bottles taunted him. One the one hand, drinking them would help him forget this. Yet the other hand knows better, that drinking them would only make things worse and make things further depressing.
"No more."
He takes the bottles into the bathroom and dumps the contents down the toilet.
"I don't need you. Get out of my life!"
With a simple flush, the temptation was gone. Yet Bowser felt far from clean. He took his time in that room. Trying to wash away the sick he felt but knowing it will linger until this issue is utterly resolved. All the hot water in the world wouldn't make a difference in how he felt. Even his bed made no change, no comfort, no relaxation. Right now his only bed buddy was guilt. And guilt wasn't cuddly at all.
"Ugh...I'm such a dumb ass. I'm the King of this huge empire, I'm wealthy beyond compare, I have control of magics the world is unable to comprehend, and yet she's right. I am without a doubt, the biggest idiot on the planet. I mean, look what I'm doing for shell's sake! Why am I even trying to woo Peach? I'm just going to hypnotize her anyway. So what's the freaking point?! *tired groan* And now she really is mad at me. Why do I keep doing this? I'm sabotaging myself. I have a good thing and I'm ruining it. Why? Why is it every time I like a girl something happens to mess it up and 90% of the time it's me that is the one screwing things over? Is this the flaw in my star? To have such amazing power but to be cursed with loneliness? Am I not allowed to love?! What kind of sick universe is this where it allows that jerk, Mario, to get so many lovers but won't even let me keep one relationship?! *long huff* Stuff like this never would've happened had I been able to create my own galaxy...Twice!"
Feeling dejected, the mighty King of the Koopas laid in his bed of woes. They say misery loves company. Well, right now that feeling was enjoying Bowser's self-loathing like a kid loves free candy. Of all the times to try to kick drinking and at the same time wanting to drown himself in it. But he had to. Look at what had happened. He made himself a complete ass. He struck the one girl to actually care about him and his family. He was going to make this right. He was going to make up for all this foolishness. He was going to prove himself worthy of her. But first...He was going to let her be or else she might literally bite off his head in anger. Lord knows his Ex tried that on more than one occasion. No, right now he needed to give her space. Give her space, but also take some space himself. After things got ugly, they both need some time alone to reflect, recover, and heal. Of course, if she still needs space after several days, at least he can reassure her that he loves her and things will be okay. A little emotional support can go a long way, even if there's a need to go cool off. Yet for now, sleep calls.
[Meanwhile: In Jr.'s room]
I creep my way inside and silently shut the door. Now the hard part, finding my way to the bed in complete darkness and doing so without bumping into anything that might wake up the young Prince. First I remove my shell. Odd, it feels heavier than normal. Probably because I've bottled all my negativity into this thing. The very symbol of my Koopa pride. Damn that man. Putting all this on me. I love you, he says. You're my world, he says. Then quit doing shit for Princess Peach! That's what I say.
"Mama?"
Ah hell.
"Mama? Where are you?"
I sigh and make my way over to him, only stubbing my toe once on what felt like a bedpost. Such fun.
"*whimper* I'm right here, sweetie. I hope I didn't wake you."
"Where did you go?"
I climb into bed and hold him gently. His tiny arms lock around me.
"I woke up and needed some milk to get sleepy again. Sorry if I worried you."
"It's okay. But now I'm awake."
"That is a problem. What shall we do?"
"Hmmm...Lullaby?"
"Okay. Which one?"
"I like that one about the man who would be king."
"Okay. Let me just remember how it goes."
I think a moment and try patting out the melody till I lock it down.
"♪As he travels on the beast of burden, moving up along the mountainside. As he gazes looking down the valley, no regrets but his pride. As he journeys across mountain passes, insignificance sweeps over him. His reflection of the beauty around him, feeling empty inside. He is running from his wildest thoughts. He is running from his everything. He is looking now to find something, hoping he could be saved...♫"
Jr. gets cozy, he loves it when I lose myself in song. He says it helps him sleep better, so I don't mind.
"♪He's searching for the answer now. It's something that he's managed to avoid up until now. Real conviction that he craves. He needs to find the answer sooner than later. Pushed himself to the limits. He had to strive for all the harder things in life. But what's the cost of giving now? His life and time are the only things that he has...♫"
I'd never tell Jr. this until he gets a bit older, but this is not a lullaby. This is a metal song that works so well if sung in the right way. I tend to rework many songs I know into lullaby tunes for him.
"♪Life is not a rehearsal, all he has is the one chance to get it right. Leaving really is the only way to know. Maybe one day they'll forgive him what he's done, with all the pain of lying too early in the grave. Destiny, no good to hide away. Penance now will be his only way. Understand, no good to run away. Penance now will be his saving grace...♫"
This song...It's making me think of him. That foolish man. The one I call King. Oh, Bowser...You dork.
"♪Tries to make his peace with God, all is forgivable but it's left a little late. Trying something that he's not, is it possible to change such a lot? He's taken someone's life away. There's not a day that goes by he regrets what he's done. He should have found another way. But the good book says an eye for an eye. In reflecting on decisions that were made, on judgments that will haunt him 'till his grave. No-one has the right to take another life, but in his mind, he had no choice so be it...♫"
You drive me crazy. You're a huge pain. But I still care, big guy. You just tick me off sometimes.
"♪Destiny, no good to hide away. Penance now will be his only way. Understand, no good to run away. Penance now will be his saving grace. Destiny, no good to hide away. Penance now will be his only way. Understand, no good to run away. Penance now will be his saving grace. Far, far away, the man who would be king. Far, far away, the man who would be king. So far away, the man who would be king. So far away, the man who would be king. Far, far away, the man who would be king.♫"
The song ends and I nuzzle Jr. softly. Sweet boy is out cold. Good thing the room is dark, the poor boy doesn't need to see the bruise that is likely to be forming now. I'm going to have to think of a good cover story for this thing. So long as his hand didn't leave details, I can maybe say I fell or walked into a door. The kids will all be doing things tomorrow. I can hide away and tend to this thing without causing alarm among the children. The less they worry about me the better. Better sleep on my left side tonight and bury my face in the pillow. It'll hide it from Jr. when he wakes up, he's always groggy when he first wakes so those sleep filled eyes won't see a thing if he turns over at me in the morning.
"Sweet dreams, dear."
I kiss his forehead and he cuddles me more. I hope your dreams are sweet, little Prince. Maybe they will be shared with me. Because lord knows, I could really use some sweet dreams right now.
[Meanwhile: The outskirts of Soda Jungle]
The brothers make camp for the night, all be it, with two tagalongs that are not so pleased with how things have gone down. Dunk and Shoot called a temporary truce till they can reach a safe zone.
"Again, no hard feelings about, you know, having to fight-a you and turn you into balls."
"It's okay, mate. You had to do what you had to do. Just let we were only doing our job."
"The boss is gonna have our hides for this. Freelance work is so not cool with her unless she says so."
"You never did-a say who this boss was."
"Ain't is obvious?"
"Oy! We're crew members of the Black Sugar Gang. Lead by the ruthless Captain Syrup."
Mario and Luigi share looks of confusion.
"Yo, these fools never heard of us."
"Blimey. You'd think as dangerous pirates go, our group would make some sort of headway in the Mushroom Kingdom."
"Well, it is a landlocked Kingdom. Not-a really a great place to hear about sea talk."
"Makes sense."
Mario passes some mushrooms to all of them and they stab them onto sticks for roasting.
"So this boss of yours...What's she like?"
The rabbits shoot Mario looks.
"Why you wanna know?"
Luigi sighs.
"He's always like-a this. Please don't-a humor him."
"Hey, come on bro. I'm-a only asking to better understand our two friends here."
"Yeah, right. Fool me-a once, shame on you. Fool me-a twice, shame on me-a."
"Mario's a player?"
"Sounds like the man in red is a bit of a bovver boy."
The brothers look at Shoot confused.
"A what?"
"It means a youth who deliberately causes or seeks out trouble, normally a brother."
"Man, I told ya, speak normal English. No one understands your British slang."
"I am speaking proper English."
"Oh yeah? What do you call a hammer?"
"Simple. A Birmingham screwdriver."
"What's a dog?"
"A very unattractive woman."
"What's the fuzz?"
"That's the bobby."
"The what?"
"The coppers."
"What?"
"Police! What part of that did you not understand?"
"Fool, none of that made any sense!"
"Like any of your words do, mate? What do you leaving quickly?"
"Bailing."
"To fall asleep?"
"Crashing."
"And to call someone on the phone?"
"You holla."
"What?"
"You know, to give a ring."
"That makes no sense."
"Um, guys?"
"What?!"
"Your mushrooms are burning."
That stops the bickering for now. Food is always more important than petty squabbles.
"So this-a captain of yours...Is she tough?"
"Baby steps, bro."
"What? I'm not-a asking for her phone number. This is a legitimate question."
"Why? She's not-a someone we'll be fighting."
"Not true, mate."
That got their attention.
"The boss let the crew help the big lizard for one reason. She's helping him too."
"We don't know what she's doing on her end. So you're out of luck getting information about that from us."
Luigi slaps his palm to his face but Mario is intrigued.
"Funny. Bowser somehow always manages to get-a women to help him. I wonder how-a he does it?"
"Focus, Mario. Can you-a give us anything about your boss?"
"Well...We are around a campfire. I suppose a story or two is expected."
"I got this one..."
Dunk makes himself comfortable and eats some now fried mushroom.
"Okay, our first big adventure with the Captain was ages ago. We were called the Brown Sugar Pirates back then. Wario, still reeling from his defeat at the hands of Mario and the loss of his castle..."
"It-a was my castle. The jerk stole it-a from me."
"And then you lost it-a to the bank."
"Still, it-s was mine. I want that on the record."
"Whatever. Like I was saying, he sets out to find new riches. Wario decides to make his fortune by stealing all the treasures he can from someone else, which ended up being Captain Syrup."
"Not the best idea mind you."
"Our crew has stolen many treasures, which are kept and guarded throughout our base on Kitchen Island. One of the treasures the gang has stolen is a giant golden monument of Princess Toadstool that we were holding for ransom to the Mushroom Kingdom. Ultimately, Wario decides to raid Syrup Castle, the location of Captain Syrup and her hoard of treasure."
"Again, not a very good idea to do."
"Wario intends to retrieve this statue and sell it back to Mario for the price of a castle. After exploring the island, stealing our treasures, and infiltrating Syrup Castle, Wario confronts our leader, Captain Syrup. She summons a genie from a magic lamp to destroy Wario, but he defeats the genie and Syrup. Captain Syrup escapes by blowing up her own castle, promising to get her revenge. In doing so, the treasure is revealed: the giant gold statue of Princess Toadstool. However, from what we've heard in the aftermath, Mario appears in a helicopter, thanks Wario, and takes the statue away in front of his eyes."
"Oh yeah...I-a forgot about that."
"Must have been funny to see ol' Wario all ticked off."
"That's always-a funny."
"Speaking of funny...Still holding the genie's lamp, Wario summons the genie and wishes for a castle. The genie tells him that he requires money to grant his wish, and so Wario gives him all the coins that he had 'collected' over the course of the adventure, plus trades in all the found treasures for more coins. Exactly how well the genie grants Wario's wish depends on who you ask. Some say Wario got a castle. Others say a Chinese pagoda, a log cabin, a tree-house, or a tiny birdhouse. But after going over all our lost loot, I know what that greedy fool got. He collected all the treasures and had enough coins to reach the 99,999 limit. That genie gave Wario an entire planet with his face etched on its surface."
"Planet Wario? I bet it's-a made of gold."
"Not impressive. I hear talk that there's a planet made of diamond out there."
They all whistle impressed.
"My turn. *ahem* The story begins at Wario Castle. There he lies at his bed, taking a deep nap. However, three shadowy figures approach the castle from outside. They are Pirate Gooms, loyal minions of Captain Syrup and members of the now named Black Sugar Gang. The pirates infiltrate the building and steal Wario's treasures, which he collected during his earlier adventures. To distract Wario and prevent him from chasing them, the pirates cause havoc in the castle by turning on a giant faucet, abandoning a vicious snake in his cellar and installing an oversized alarm clock. After this, the pirates escape and leave Wario in the mess they caused. Wario eventually wakes up by the alarm clocks's commotion and he sets off to pursue the thieves, but not before rectifying the state of things in his home."
"That was the most fun I had in years. For real."
"During his pursuit of the pirates, Wario learns that the fleeing bandits have scared his pet hen away, so he ditches his quest for a brief moment to rescue his beloved pet. He resumes the pursuit after the hen is safe again. Wario manages to get to the pirate's ship before they can set off. He drops the anchor, so the ship is forced to halt, but is then stopped by the ship guard Bobo, who delays his progress so the pirates can escape via a hot-air balloon. Wario chases them through the overgrown jungle of Maze Woods and a city with an unknown name."
No one would find us there. Where were we? No clue. That's how secret it was."
"Wario eventually arrives at Syrup Castle, the hideout of the mischievous pirate gang. Horrified that the pirates managed to return to their fortress, he continues his pursuit and breaks into the building. After battling many of the pirate grunts and four ducks, Wario confronts the pirate leader herself in combat. After defeating Captain Syrup and demolishing her aircraft, Wario blasts the pirates out of their fortress, reclaims his treasures and returns home to resume his nap. However..."
Shoot pauses to eat for a moment.
"Eventually, Wario returns to Syrup Castle and proceeds to a mountain range somewhere near the building. There he discovers a secret cave in which the pirates store their treasures. In a final raid, Wario overcomes the difficulties in the pirate cave and plunders Syrup's riches. He then returns home for the final time, but not without the Giant Spear Man following him closely. The pirate's motivation of doing so is unclear. Though it's not really that unknown. He was tasked with guarding that loot with his life. And he followed that order until his final breath when Wario got sick of him following him."
"These sound-a more like Wario stories and less about-a your boss."
"Do you really want to hear the parts where we stood around waiting for the fat man to show up?"
"Point taken."
"Alright, I got one more in me..."
Dunk summons a basketball and spins it on his finger.
"One night, the greedy pirate Captain Syrup sneaks into a museum looking for treasure to steal, when an item known as the Ancient Globe catches her interest. Upon inspecting it, she sees there is another world within the globe called the Shake Dimension. Within the Shake Dimension, dark clouds have set in as the peace within has been shattered by the marauding pirate known as the Shake King. The Shake King has stolen a legendary treasure known as the Bottomless Coin Sack. He also kidnapped and imprisoned all but one of the peaceful Merfle tribe, along with their queen, Merelda who was tied up. While the Shake King gloats, the one Merfle that managed to escaped imprisonment, vows to find someone from the outside world who can help his people and leaves. Seeing the events unfold, Captain Syrup decides that stealing the treasure for herself may prove too difficult, and so she steals the Ancient Globe from the museum."
"This is where the plot thickens."
"At Wario's garage, Wario is seen fast asleep in his car. At dawn, the bubble that is blowing out of Wario's nose pops and he is awakened from his slumber by the delivery of a very large gift, which, once unwrapped, reveals the Ancient Globe and a note from Captain Syrup explaining that there is great treasure within the Globe. Misinterpreting the note, Wario drops it and gets a hammer. Then, Wario prepares to smash the globe open with the hammer when suddenly smoke bursts from the top, causing Wario to miss and smack his head. The smoke forms a large telescope, which Merfle uses to reach Wario's world. Merfle then greets Wario, causing him to hit his head on the telescope when trying to look up. In a fit of anger, Wario grabs Merfle threateningly and was going to punch him in the face, when Merfle begins pleading for Wario's help."
"Now the tricky parts."
"Merfle explains to Wario, who shows very little interest in the story, even picking his nose as it is being told, about how the Shake King appeared, captured, and imprisoned his people and even stole the legendary treasure. At the mention of treasure, Wario immediately grabs Merfle and shakes him for more information. Merfle explains the properties of the Bottomless Coin Sack to Wario but warns him that if he doesn't rescue the other Merfles he would be stranded in the Shake Dimension. Wario decides that this quest will be worth his time, and prepares to enter the Shake Dimension."
"Because who else will save all that gold?"
"Captain Syrup's role during this adventure is to sell Wario maps of the different continents of the Shake Dimension at the Pirate Shop, which also sells various health recovery items. Captain Syrup is shown to lightly flirt with Wario, calling him 'handsome' on several occasions. After surviving all of the Shake King's traps and minions, Wario is able to battle the Shake King himself. It is a hard and long battle since the Shake King also has some of Wario's moves; however, Wario is able to beat him, resulting in the Shake Dimension being saved at last from the Shake King's evil grip. When Queen Merelda thanks Wario for saving her kingdom, Wario tosses her aside and takes the Bottomless Coin Sack. When returning to his world for the final time, he shakes the bag to collect all the coins he always wanted. However, the celebration doesn't last long. Catching Wario off guard, Captain Syrup takes the Bottomless Coin Sack and all the coins Wario shook out from it and makes a quick getaway. Wario is completely humiliated that he was double-crossed from the very start."
"And thus, story time is over."
"Wow...And here I-a thought he just sat on his-a butt all day eating garlic."
"We did tell you he was awesome."
"I-a still bet coin you-a can't tell us a cool story about Waluigi."
Dunk and Shoot look at each other before grinning.
"How much coin are you willing to part with, mate?"
"Mario, I-a don't think we should..."
"I-a bet fifty coins."
"*sigh* Why do I-a even try?"
"Alright, fool. Prepare to lose some of that gold, because this is the story of Psycho Waluigi."
"Psycho Walu-what?"
"One day, after taking a nasty fall from his hot air balloon, Waluigi wakes up in an unfamiliar land with a strange purple eyeball cloud watching him. The eye identifies itself as Psycho Iris and tells Waluigi that he is in the land of Unconcia. He goes on to explain that due to both the natural influence of the land and his own phenomenal power, Waluigi now has psychic powers. Now that he has his own superpowers, what will he do with them? Save a princess of his own? Nah! He's gonna go take out the Hazelnaut Army and conquer Unconcia for himself, taking over 30 kingdoms."
Hearing that, Mario is regretting making this bet. Luigi is amazed that Waluigi could even be brave enough to go on such an adventure, which is an ironic thought since it's coming from Luigi. But Dunk and Shoot know this story, it has so many confusing details that it almost seemed too good to be true. It's so crazy, it's almost like Waluigi or some fan of his made the whole thing up. Now it's to be told.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night had descended on the land. Evening meals had been consumed. Beds were filled with tired bodies longing for rest. Yet one of these beds is less restful than the rest. The Koopa King was, for lack of better words, annoyed as hell. For one, his trusted adviser made an ill-advised call and hired the two people he hates almost as much as he hates the Mario Brothers. Then when he was looking forward to a nice dinner with his son and the woman his heart desires, he ends up dinning alone because they decided to eat with his other children. So instead of calming down through amusing chatter, he brooded in his frustration and due to this, sleep was being less than kind to him.
Bowser tosses and turns, but he just can't make himself comfortable. Something is preventing him from feeling right. Something is just off. But what? Were the pillows not fluffed just right? Were the sheets overly starched and tucked in too tight? Was the food not hot and filling? Were his boxers giving him a wedgie? Was the room too dark or not lit enough? What is his ability to sleep's major malfunction?!
Maybe a long drink would help him clock out. Fumbling around his nightstand, his claws grasp the tall glass bottle and he smiles while bringing it to his lips. Sadly, his smile morphs into a grouchy snarl and the bottle is thrown across the room, resulting in it shattering with emptiness.
"*low rumble* Curse this night. *groan* All I want to do is sleep...IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!"
This now presented Bowser with a choice. He could either continue to lay there and hope that sleep would take him in the next five minutes, or he could get up then go down to the wine cellar for a fresh bottle only to then haul his scaly butt back up to bed. Both of these options were their own level of annoyance. But who's to say which one of the two would bring about the results he was wanting. So with that in mind, he mentally flipped a coin and sat up. Looks like he's going for a walk to the cellar.
Putting his shell back on, the very agitated King leaves his room with a visible aura that roars "DON'T GET IN MY WAY!" and if looks could kill, well, any poor soul that happened to catch a glimpse of him would surely poof into coin by force of his glare alone. A cranky Bowser is a dangerous Bowser. His path is burned into his memory. It doesn't take him long. Hallways look the same in his state, but instinct leads him to where he wants to be. The cellar is the one area in the entire castle that is cold, not including the freezer in the kitchen, and for this reason, it makes the best place to hold champagne or wine.
All champagne and wines need to be stored away from light, especially direct sunlight and fluorescent fixtures. UV rays can cause the drink to be 'light struck,' giving them an unpleasant smell. Darker bottles are better protected and some bottles have UV filters built into the glass, but enough UV rays can still penetrate to ruin it. Bottles need to be stored on their side, especially the corked bottles. If they are stored upright for a long amount of time, the corks will dry out, and air will eventually get inside, spoiling it. Also for extended aging of wine (over 1 year), refrigeration is a must in most parts of the world; even a below-ground cellar is not cool enough. The storage temperature should not go over 75˚F (24°C), for longer than brief spans of time. At 75°F, the liquids begins to oxidize. An ideal temperature for storing a varied collection is 54°F (12.2°C). Letting the temperature drop below 54°F won't hurt it; it'll only slow down the aging process. Rises in temperature can also force liquid through the cork; drops cause air to be sucked back in. So a cooling system is in place to keep things perfectly chill. The temperature in a storage area should be as constant as possible. All changes should occur slowly. The greater the changes in temperature a bottle suffers, the greater the premature aging of the drink from over breathing. The temperature should never fluctuate more than 3°F (1.6°C) a day and 5°F (2.7°C) a year, especially with red wines, which will suffer more temperature-related problems than white wines.
Each bottle is secured to prevent movement. Vibrations may negatively affect the alcohol. High humidity keeps the corks from drying and minimizes evaporation. The system doesn't allow the humidity to go too much over 70%, however, because it can encourage the growth of mold and cause labels to loosen. A hygrometer is used to track the moisture conditions and humidifying or dehumidifying techniques are used as needed. Good ventilation helps prevent musty odors from entering the bottles. And all bottles are stored for an appropriate amount of time. Not all booze improve over time. Generally, new world, inexpensive wines or champagne will not improve. Red wines can be stored and aged for anywhere between 2-10 years to mature. This, however, depends on the type of red wine and the balance of its sugar, acid, and tannins. Most white wines should be consumed after 2-3 years of storage (though select White Burgundies "Chardonnays" can be aged for over 20 years). Vintage Champagnes will generally last around 5-10 years before it starts to lose its fizz. Please note that this is from the date of purchase, and not from the date of Vintage that is displayed on the label of your bottle. Vintage Champagnes are typically aged in cellars for around 4 to 5 years before they hit the shelves. Non-Vintage Champagnes will expire a little more quickly after around 3-4 years after purchase and are aged for 2 to 3 years before that before they are available for sale.
Though now down here, a new question popped up in his head. Which was he in the mood for? Ha! Trick question. The answer is clearly all of the above. This is how he came to be guzzling his way back to his room with one arm loaded with four large bottles.
"*gulping into a hefty sigh* Oh yeah, that's the stuff! Nothing like a good drink to help me sleep."
"Good evening, Lord Bowser..."
A solitary Boo phased through walls, simply like it's enjoying a leisurely stroll.
"Such a nice night for a walk. Wouldn't you agree?"
"...Walk? You do know you don't have legs, right?"
"Semantics."
"Right...Whelp...See you later. Or not. I don't really care what you spooks do."
With that Bowser keeps on moving, wanting only to return to his bed and pray that this time sleep will come. Except...Now there's a Boo hovering close behind him and it's starting to kill his buzz before it can even begin.
"Can I help you with something or are you trying to tick me off?"
"Nope. Just enjoying this night."
"Then go do it somewhere else."
"But nights like this aren't for those to be alone. It's a special time after all."
"...What?"
"Have you not seen it? The moon is blue."
That stopped the King in his tracks.
"It is?"
The Boo merely snickered before vanishing, typical of a spirit causing unknown mischief. Still...Maybe that ghoul was telling the truth. It wouldn't hurt to check it out. Maybe a little detour is okay, then off to bed. So while still drinking, Bowser wanders over to a nearby window opening and sees if it's true. Lo and behold, there it was. Peeking through the dark clouds, the normally silver orb that hangs in the sky is now painted in a shade of azure.
"Whoa..."
Amazing. He had ruled here for ages and yet this was the first time he had seen this. It made him feel foolish. Though not so foolish due to the alcohol.
*roar*
What was that? Where did it come from?
"*soft* Do that again. I freaking dare you."
Sounds like it's outside. The garden maybe? But who would be outside at this hour? Bowser looks at the bottles in his arm and sighs before tucking them away in his shell. Looks like sleep will have to wait just a little longer. Not like he could sleep while knowing someone was out there without his say.
[Meanwhile: In the garden]
"Do I really have to tell you AGAIN?"
I slap the top of the Bone Piranha Plant the children got for me and it snarls back as I rub my sore arm.
"No biting. If you bite me, I will be very mad. And if I'm mad, then you don't get treats. At best, you can nibble, but no bites."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"No! I told you this before. I can't take noticeable damage. Do you know the hell I'd get from them if they wake up to see me with teeth marks all over?"
"*indiscernible growls*"
"What do you mean you don't care?! You're root's on the line too. They'll get rid of you if they find out you wounded me."
"*indiscernible snapping*"
"Hey! Watch your language."
The plant snarls but lowers its head in understanding. Since getting this thing, I've been sneaking out when able to feed it and spar. It's a habit I have that I would do back at my old Mushroom Kingdom home. The Piranha Plants that grew around my house, or rather, the ones I planted around my house, I used them for defense. These nasty plants are the perfect guards if they are bordered around the area just right. Their only weakness? Sleeping, a fireball from a Fire Flower, a Super Leaf tail-spin, Super Star, or a Gold Flower, a hungry Yoshi, sickness, kicking a Shy Guy, Koopa or Buzzy Beetle shell at them, hammers, punches, spraying water into their mouths until they blow up, stomping or jumping on their heads, ice balls from an Ice Flower, hunger, projectile Yoshi eggs, turnips, and depending on the type, anything that flies. Wow...um...Maybe I've relied on these too much?
Weaknesses aside, they make up for it in attacks, especially when they have free roam in the earth and not in a pot of some sort. This is why I train with them, well, only the ones that I know are going to not try to kill me. Sadly, I'm only limited to this one stubborn bonehead while I stay in Castle Koopa and it likes to forget to play nice when it gets bored. The last thing I need is puncture wounds from teeth being very obvious on my bloody body. Hell, the kids are already uppity over old marks on me, new ones will only cause alarm I don't want or need. But I need to spar. I need to keep I shape. Things are happening and I need to be ready for anything. Plus this lets me work out my frustration by attacking. Yay for therapeutic violence!
"*indiscernible growls*"
"I am not distracted."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"You bit me only because my guard was down on that side. It's called a blind spot."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"I was not distracted!"
"*indiscernible growls*"
"Sarcasm is unbecoming of you."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"No, you don't get a treat for biting me."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"Oh? And what possible information could you have that is treat worthy?"
"*indiscernible snarls*"
That makes me pause and this plant smirk while folding its leaves smugly.
"Okay, that's treat worthy."
It trills joyfully as I take a bit of scrap food from my pocket and toss it into its hungry maw.
"By the way, how are you doing that? Eating I mean. The food doesn't fall through your skull holes and when you 'swallow' it doesn't have a stem to go down. So...What's up with that?"
"*indiscernible noises*"
"...That only makes me more confused."
It shrugs and I dust myself off.
"So...That's really the juice on the grapevine? Mario and Luigi are already past the fourth castle?"
It nods its head.
"No wonder Bowser is suddenly doing this marriage thing. Time is limited now. Each day, they get closer. They're forcing his hand now. Damn it. The wedding day is coming soon."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"That's not a swear."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"No, it's not."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"That, that right there was a swear. Bad Bones, very bad."
It snickers at me and I stretch into a fighter's stance.
"Okay, giggles, you ready to continue?"
"*indiscernible purrs*"
"I swear...You seem to enjoy this more then you should."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"Okay, just remember the rule. No biting. You can do anything to defend yourself, but no biting. Just as I can do anything to defend from you."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"What? It's totally fair. You can't be hurt by anything I do to you and I'm not aiming to kill you."
It wriggles annoyed.
"Don't cop an attitude with me."
It mocks me with its leaves and I am unamused.
"Okay, have it your way."
I swipe at its head and it ducks into the ground. I put my guard up and stay on alert. It has the advantage like this. It could pop up anywhere. Ground rumbles. I look for clues where it'll sprout. Suddenly I'm tossed into the air as it springs under me and I fall on top of its head. It attempts to buck me off but I hold on and the wrapping of my arms around its head shuts its mouth. It fanatically tries to shake me off, thrashing violently, yet for my own fun I say on and try to set a personal record.
"*indiscernible growls*"
"Want me off? Then try harder!"
"*indiscernible snarls*"
"I don't care if others see. If you think that bothered me then I would've stopped five guards ago."
"*indiscernible growls*"
"What do you mean it's not a guard?"
"Spitfire?"
The plant freezes when I flinch then it slowly turns us around to so see Bowser standing there with a bottle in hand and a confused look on his face.
"H-Hey there...Heh...You're up late."
"I can say the same about you."
Sensing an opportunity, the Bone Piranha Plant jerks me off and retreats into the soil of the garden to hide. Now on my butt, I giggle nervously about the situation.
"So...I bet you're thinking this looked weird."
"Just a little bit, yeah."
"How much did you see?"
"Enough to know I can trust you to win rodeo contests in the future."
"Heh, yeah."
"So...You do this often?"
"Do what?"
"This. Sneak out and doing whatever it is you were doing."
I sigh and rub my arm.
"Lynsie?"
"It's nothing you need to worry about. Just needed to vent a little."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah."
"Do you wanna talk?"
He offers me his empty hand and I just stare at it. The longer this drags on the more his face frowns.
"Is something wrong?"
I'm not sure how to be around him anymore. I pick myself up.
"We should go to bed."
He looks hurt.
"Yeah...I guess you're right."
I feel bad. The guy is sweet and he cares about me. But this Peach wedding stuff...I don't know what to do about it. I try not to make eye contact as I move past him.
"Are you mad at me?"
I wince at his voice.
"No, I'm not mad at you."
He follows me.
"Then can I ask why you seem mad?"
"I'm not mad."
"Then why are you...?"
"Stop!"
He flinches.
"Just stop. I'm not mad. I come out here to spar with the plants and vent out my frustration. That's it."
"But why are you frustrated? Did the kids do something? I told them to lay off you for a while."
"I don't want to talk."
That seems to end things as we enter the castle. Man, booze really makes him chatty. Because not even ten steps into our stone home does he start up again.
"Are you upset about the wedding?"
Thank god he can't see how hard I'm rolling my eyes.
"I know you don't like the idea of me marrying Peach. I don't like it either. But you have to understand, it's the only way I can take what's hers."
No, it's not. You can kill her and usurp her rule by default. You're only keeping her alive to enjoy humiliating her, breaking all that she has made.
"It's my destiny to rule the Mushroom Kingdom. It's the start of a better Kingdom. A better place for us all. Surely you can understand that."
Of course, I understand. I just don't like that one step in how you mean to do it.
"I'm sacrificing to make everyone happy. The needs of the people outweigh my needs."
I know. That's why you're a great King. It's why you are my King.
"Lynsie, please...Say something. Even if it's to tell me to shut up. I just want to hear your voice."
Argh! My heart! Damn him for being nice.
"Lynsie?"
"...Did they really make it past Castle Four already?"
This confuses him.
"Wha...How do you...?"
"We'll have to be ready to defend the base. We must show no mercy."
His hand on my shoulder makes me stop walking.
"Tell me what is going on with you?"
"Why do you assume something is wrong?"
"Because for one, you're acting weird. And second, you won't look at me. I'd have to be way more plastered to miss signs as big as those."
Okay, Lynsie, don't baby this man. Set the line and stick to it. If he really cares as much as he says, he'll make the choice to either stay behind it or cross it for you. Be strong girl. You can do this.
I turn around to face him with my arms folded behind me. I put on a strong front while meeting his confused and buzzed eyes.
"There is nothing wrong with me, my King. I have only been doing what is necessary. I am tending to the children. I am preparing for the fights to come. I am set to take on any that set foot uninvited in this castle. Such is my duty to the crown and your family."
"You don't have to sound so robotic about it."
"My advice, you should spend less time worrying about me. Go to bed and get some sleep. It's getting late and you have much to do tomorrow."
"How do you...What...Who is telling you all these things that even I'm just learning about?!"
"Focus, my King. You don't want to look like a fool in front of Peach, do you?"
That seems to make something in his head click.
"Oh...Oh, I get it now."
I cock my eyes in curiosity.
"You're mad about the engagement party."
My curiosity dies along with my mood. But he doesn't seem to pick on this shift when he pulls me close and wraps an arm around my shoulders like we're buddies.
"Look, there's no reason to be mad or jealous about this little thing. *takes a drink* It's just a formality. You know...See if she'll make the wedding part easier by going along with it. You have nothing to fear."
I don't know if it's because he's drunk or if he just doesn't get it, but I'm starting to really get pissed off.
"Fear?"
"I only have eyes for you, spitfire. That royal pain can't batter those baby blues and have me melt. Nope. Not anymore. You're the cat's meow. *laughter*"
The cat joke tickled him extra due to the drink. He's busting a gut and slapping my arm in his merriment. Unfortunately, he's hitting the arm that my buddy Bones had bit. So this has me bite my tongue and jerk away from him, holding the sore spot defensively much to his confusion.
"Hey now, heh, you're not getting soft on me, are you? It was just a tap."
I've had my fill of him for the night. I don't want to continue, if it does I might explode and that's bad.
"Goodnight, my King."
I aim to walk away. Yet he follows and keeps drinking.
"Come on, it's a just a joke. Lighten up."
"I said, goodnight."
"What's with the formalities? You know you can say my name. In fact...It would really be sweet of you to say my name with a cute smile. Maybe come back to my room. Maybe we can cuddle. Then you can give me a little kiss?"
Damn it, Bowser!
"Will you back off already!?"
I snap.
"I'm trying to be nice about all this! I'm trying to not make this uncomfortable! I'm trying to ignore all the blatant stupidity of going along with this scheme! So stop pushing my buttons before I #%*&$ jump out a window!"
My rage must have snapped him sober because the glossiness in his eyes burns away to clarity.
"What the hell is your problem all of a sudden?"
You just have to keep this conversation going, don't you?!
"My problem? My problem is you!"
"Me? What did I do? I've been nothing but nice to you."
"Don't make this out that I'm the villain here. You're the one that is being stupid."
He glares at me hard.
"Watch your mouth, Lynsie. You don't want to say something you can't take back."
"The Mario Brothers are reaching the halfway point and instead of making sure that we're ready for those two, you're organizing a party to propose to a woman that despises you? News flash! She's going to say no! Nothing you do will make her agree! She will take and take and take until she's had her fill, then rip your heart out in front of your eyes, then grind her heel into it for good measure. This is not only a waste of time and resources but without a doubt, it is the most asinine plan I have ever heard."
"Lynsie...You forget your place."
"Oh? Heh, I know where I stand here. I'm the girl that takes care of everything, from your kids to even you, and you supposedly love me. Yet you're going to great lengths to sway that pink prissy #%*&$? No! I don't think so. I'm not dealing with that kind of crap. So you can take your delusional plan and cram it down that bottle because that's the only thing you'll be kissing!"
Suddenly I'm on the floor. It happened so fast that I didn't even register it. I look up at Bowser, his free hand appeared to have been swung and regret took his features. Slowly it dawned on me what happened, though the taste of blood helped. He smacked me. Didn't help that he's super strong so that even a light smack was like a punch. But he hit me. He actually hit me.
"Lynsie...I...I didn't mean..."
My brain is in shock. I know I was lashing out, I deserved some sort of reprimand, but I didn't think he would respond like that. The champagne. It had to be that damn drink. I can't fully blame him for this. But I sure as hell won't let him off easy either. King Koopa's gonna learn the hard way what happens when you fuck up with me. I get up off the floor and look him dead in the eyes.
"Go to bed, my King. You have much to do and little time left to do it in."
With that, I turn on my heel and begin the walk to Jr.'s room.
"Lynsie! Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"
I just walk away. I hope you like stew, Bowser. Because you're going to brew in some for a good long time. This was not how I expected the night to end. It could've been worse though. It could've been much worse. For that, I'm okay with. I can only hope sleep will help me get over most of this insanity.
Bowser couldn't move. He could only watch her slowly disappear into the shadows of the hallways. He fucked up and fucked up big time. His hands were shaking. The back of his left hand could still feel the side of her face on his scales. He looked down at his right hand, the near-empty bottle he held reflected everything he hated at that moment. He felt like puking. In disgust, he smashes the bottle on the floor.
"What have I done?"
He wanted to run after her. To beg, plead, and grovel at her feet in hopes of forgiveness. He wanted to but his body refused to move from that spot. No way in hell she would want to see his mug after that. Not so soon at least. He was going to pay the price for his actions this night and the price was going to be astronomical. Way to go Bowser, a girl actually likes you and you hit her because she mouthed off.
Feeling lower than dirt, he skulks his way to his room, practically dragging himself there. Once inside, he took off his shell and the three remaining bottles tucked inside clattered to the floor. Those bottles taunted him. One the one hand, drinking them would help him forget this. Yet the other hand knows better, that drinking them would only make things worse and make things further depressing.
"No more."
He takes the bottles into the bathroom and dumps the contents down the toilet.
"I don't need you. Get out of my life!"
With a simple flush, the temptation was gone. Yet Bowser felt far from clean. He took his time in that room. Trying to wash away the sick he felt but knowing it will linger until this issue is utterly resolved. All the hot water in the world wouldn't make a difference in how he felt. Even his bed made no change, no comfort, no relaxation. Right now his only bed buddy was guilt. And guilt wasn't cuddly at all.
"Ugh...I'm such a dumb ass. I'm the King of this huge empire, I'm wealthy beyond compare, I have control of magics the world is unable to comprehend, and yet she's right. I am without a doubt, the biggest idiot on the planet. I mean, look what I'm doing for shell's sake! Why am I even trying to woo Peach? I'm just going to hypnotize her anyway. So what's the freaking point?! *tired groan* And now she really is mad at me. Why do I keep doing this? I'm sabotaging myself. I have a good thing and I'm ruining it. Why? Why is it every time I like a girl something happens to mess it up and 90% of the time it's me that is the one screwing things over? Is this the flaw in my star? To have such amazing power but to be cursed with loneliness? Am I not allowed to love?! What kind of sick universe is this where it allows that jerk, Mario, to get so many lovers but won't even let me keep one relationship?! *long huff* Stuff like this never would've happened had I been able to create my own galaxy...Twice!"
Feeling dejected, the mighty King of the Koopas laid in his bed of woes. They say misery loves company. Well, right now that feeling was enjoying Bowser's self-loathing like a kid loves free candy. Of all the times to try to kick drinking and at the same time wanting to drown himself in it. But he had to. Look at what had happened. He made himself a complete ass. He struck the one girl to actually care about him and his family. He was going to make this right. He was going to make up for all this foolishness. He was going to prove himself worthy of her. But first...He was going to let her be or else she might literally bite off his head in anger. Lord knows his Ex tried that on more than one occasion. No, right now he needed to give her space. Give her space, but also take some space himself. After things got ugly, they both need some time alone to reflect, recover, and heal. Of course, if she still needs space after several days, at least he can reassure her that he loves her and things will be okay. A little emotional support can go a long way, even if there's a need to go cool off. Yet for now, sleep calls.
[Meanwhile: In Jr.'s room]
I creep my way inside and silently shut the door. Now the hard part, finding my way to the bed in complete darkness and doing so without bumping into anything that might wake up the young Prince. First I remove my shell. Odd, it feels heavier than normal. Probably because I've bottled all my negativity into this thing. The very symbol of my Koopa pride. Damn that man. Putting all this on me. I love you, he says. You're my world, he says. Then quit doing shit for Princess Peach! That's what I say.
"Mama?"
Ah hell.
"Mama? Where are you?"
I sigh and make my way over to him, only stubbing my toe once on what felt like a bedpost. Such fun.
"*whimper* I'm right here, sweetie. I hope I didn't wake you."
"Where did you go?"
I climb into bed and hold him gently. His tiny arms lock around me.
"I woke up and needed some milk to get sleepy again. Sorry if I worried you."
"It's okay. But now I'm awake."
"That is a problem. What shall we do?"
"Hmmm...Lullaby?"
"Okay. Which one?"
"I like that one about the man who would be king."
"Okay. Let me just remember how it goes."
I think a moment and try patting out the melody till I lock it down.
"♪As he travels on the beast of burden, moving up along the mountainside. As he gazes looking down the valley, no regrets but his pride. As he journeys across mountain passes, insignificance sweeps over him. His reflection of the beauty around him, feeling empty inside. He is running from his wildest thoughts. He is running from his everything. He is looking now to find something, hoping he could be saved...♫"
Jr. gets cozy, he loves it when I lose myself in song. He says it helps him sleep better, so I don't mind.
"♪He's searching for the answer now. It's something that he's managed to avoid up until now. Real conviction that he craves. He needs to find the answer sooner than later. Pushed himself to the limits. He had to strive for all the harder things in life. But what's the cost of giving now? His life and time are the only things that he has...♫"
I'd never tell Jr. this until he gets a bit older, but this is not a lullaby. This is a metal song that works so well if sung in the right way. I tend to rework many songs I know into lullaby tunes for him.
"♪Life is not a rehearsal, all he has is the one chance to get it right. Leaving really is the only way to know. Maybe one day they'll forgive him what he's done, with all the pain of lying too early in the grave. Destiny, no good to hide away. Penance now will be his only way. Understand, no good to run away. Penance now will be his saving grace...♫"
This song...It's making me think of him. That foolish man. The one I call King. Oh, Bowser...You dork.
"♪Tries to make his peace with God, all is forgivable but it's left a little late. Trying something that he's not, is it possible to change such a lot? He's taken someone's life away. There's not a day that goes by he regrets what he's done. He should have found another way. But the good book says an eye for an eye. In reflecting on decisions that were made, on judgments that will haunt him 'till his grave. No-one has the right to take another life, but in his mind, he had no choice so be it...♫"
You drive me crazy. You're a huge pain. But I still care, big guy. You just tick me off sometimes.
"♪Destiny, no good to hide away. Penance now will be his only way. Understand, no good to run away. Penance now will be his saving grace. Destiny, no good to hide away. Penance now will be his only way. Understand, no good to run away. Penance now will be his saving grace. Far, far away, the man who would be king. Far, far away, the man who would be king. So far away, the man who would be king. So far away, the man who would be king. Far, far away, the man who would be king.♫"
The song ends and I nuzzle Jr. softly. Sweet boy is out cold. Good thing the room is dark, the poor boy doesn't need to see the bruise that is likely to be forming now. I'm going to have to think of a good cover story for this thing. So long as his hand didn't leave details, I can maybe say I fell or walked into a door. The kids will all be doing things tomorrow. I can hide away and tend to this thing without causing alarm among the children. The less they worry about me the better. Better sleep on my left side tonight and bury my face in the pillow. It'll hide it from Jr. when he wakes up, he's always groggy when he first wakes so those sleep filled eyes won't see a thing if he turns over at me in the morning.
"Sweet dreams, dear."
I kiss his forehead and he cuddles me more. I hope your dreams are sweet, little Prince. Maybe they will be shared with me. Because lord knows, I could really use some sweet dreams right now.
[Meanwhile: The outskirts of Soda Jungle]
The brothers make camp for the night, all be it, with two tagalongs that are not so pleased with how things have gone down. Dunk and Shoot called a temporary truce till they can reach a safe zone.
"Again, no hard feelings about, you know, having to fight-a you and turn you into balls."
"It's okay, mate. You had to do what you had to do. Just let we were only doing our job."
"The boss is gonna have our hides for this. Freelance work is so not cool with her unless she says so."
"You never did-a say who this boss was."
"Ain't is obvious?"
"Oy! We're crew members of the Black Sugar Gang. Lead by the ruthless Captain Syrup."
Mario and Luigi share looks of confusion.
"Yo, these fools never heard of us."
"Blimey. You'd think as dangerous pirates go, our group would make some sort of headway in the Mushroom Kingdom."
"Well, it is a landlocked Kingdom. Not-a really a great place to hear about sea talk."
"Makes sense."
Mario passes some mushrooms to all of them and they stab them onto sticks for roasting.
"So this boss of yours...What's she like?"
The rabbits shoot Mario looks.
"Why you wanna know?"
Luigi sighs.
"He's always like-a this. Please don't-a humor him."
"Hey, come on bro. I'm-a only asking to better understand our two friends here."
"Yeah, right. Fool me-a once, shame on you. Fool me-a twice, shame on me-a."
"Mario's a player?"
"Sounds like the man in red is a bit of a bovver boy."
The brothers look at Shoot confused.
"A what?"
"It means a youth who deliberately causes or seeks out trouble, normally a brother."
"Man, I told ya, speak normal English. No one understands your British slang."
"I am speaking proper English."
"Oh yeah? What do you call a hammer?"
"Simple. A Birmingham screwdriver."
"What's a dog?"
"A very unattractive woman."
"What's the fuzz?"
"That's the bobby."
"The what?"
"The coppers."
"What?"
"Police! What part of that did you not understand?"
"Fool, none of that made any sense!"
"Like any of your words do, mate? What do you leaving quickly?"
"Bailing."
"To fall asleep?"
"Crashing."
"And to call someone on the phone?"
"You holla."
"What?"
"You know, to give a ring."
"That makes no sense."
"Um, guys?"
"What?!"
"Your mushrooms are burning."
That stops the bickering for now. Food is always more important than petty squabbles.
"So this-a captain of yours...Is she tough?"
"Baby steps, bro."
"What? I'm not-a asking for her phone number. This is a legitimate question."
"Why? She's not-a someone we'll be fighting."
"Not true, mate."
That got their attention.
"The boss let the crew help the big lizard for one reason. She's helping him too."
"We don't know what she's doing on her end. So you're out of luck getting information about that from us."
Luigi slaps his palm to his face but Mario is intrigued.
"Funny. Bowser somehow always manages to get-a women to help him. I wonder how-a he does it?"
"Focus, Mario. Can you-a give us anything about your boss?"
"Well...We are around a campfire. I suppose a story or two is expected."
"I got this one..."
Dunk makes himself comfortable and eats some now fried mushroom.
"Okay, our first big adventure with the Captain was ages ago. We were called the Brown Sugar Pirates back then. Wario, still reeling from his defeat at the hands of Mario and the loss of his castle..."
"It-a was my castle. The jerk stole it-a from me."
"And then you lost it-a to the bank."
"Still, it-s was mine. I want that on the record."
"Whatever. Like I was saying, he sets out to find new riches. Wario decides to make his fortune by stealing all the treasures he can from someone else, which ended up being Captain Syrup."
"Not the best idea mind you."
"Our crew has stolen many treasures, which are kept and guarded throughout our base on Kitchen Island. One of the treasures the gang has stolen is a giant golden monument of Princess Toadstool that we were holding for ransom to the Mushroom Kingdom. Ultimately, Wario decides to raid Syrup Castle, the location of Captain Syrup and her hoard of treasure."
"Again, not a very good idea to do."
"Wario intends to retrieve this statue and sell it back to Mario for the price of a castle. After exploring the island, stealing our treasures, and infiltrating Syrup Castle, Wario confronts our leader, Captain Syrup. She summons a genie from a magic lamp to destroy Wario, but he defeats the genie and Syrup. Captain Syrup escapes by blowing up her own castle, promising to get her revenge. In doing so, the treasure is revealed: the giant gold statue of Princess Toadstool. However, from what we've heard in the aftermath, Mario appears in a helicopter, thanks Wario, and takes the statue away in front of his eyes."
"Oh yeah...I-a forgot about that."
"Must have been funny to see ol' Wario all ticked off."
"That's always-a funny."
"Speaking of funny...Still holding the genie's lamp, Wario summons the genie and wishes for a castle. The genie tells him that he requires money to grant his wish, and so Wario gives him all the coins that he had 'collected' over the course of the adventure, plus trades in all the found treasures for more coins. Exactly how well the genie grants Wario's wish depends on who you ask. Some say Wario got a castle. Others say a Chinese pagoda, a log cabin, a tree-house, or a tiny birdhouse. But after going over all our lost loot, I know what that greedy fool got. He collected all the treasures and had enough coins to reach the 99,999 limit. That genie gave Wario an entire planet with his face etched on its surface."
"Planet Wario? I bet it's-a made of gold."
"Not impressive. I hear talk that there's a planet made of diamond out there."
They all whistle impressed.
"My turn. *ahem* The story begins at Wario Castle. There he lies at his bed, taking a deep nap. However, three shadowy figures approach the castle from outside. They are Pirate Gooms, loyal minions of Captain Syrup and members of the now named Black Sugar Gang. The pirates infiltrate the building and steal Wario's treasures, which he collected during his earlier adventures. To distract Wario and prevent him from chasing them, the pirates cause havoc in the castle by turning on a giant faucet, abandoning a vicious snake in his cellar and installing an oversized alarm clock. After this, the pirates escape and leave Wario in the mess they caused. Wario eventually wakes up by the alarm clocks's commotion and he sets off to pursue the thieves, but not before rectifying the state of things in his home."
"That was the most fun I had in years. For real."
"During his pursuit of the pirates, Wario learns that the fleeing bandits have scared his pet hen away, so he ditches his quest for a brief moment to rescue his beloved pet. He resumes the pursuit after the hen is safe again. Wario manages to get to the pirate's ship before they can set off. He drops the anchor, so the ship is forced to halt, but is then stopped by the ship guard Bobo, who delays his progress so the pirates can escape via a hot-air balloon. Wario chases them through the overgrown jungle of Maze Woods and a city with an unknown name."
No one would find us there. Where were we? No clue. That's how secret it was."
"Wario eventually arrives at Syrup Castle, the hideout of the mischievous pirate gang. Horrified that the pirates managed to return to their fortress, he continues his pursuit and breaks into the building. After battling many of the pirate grunts and four ducks, Wario confronts the pirate leader herself in combat. After defeating Captain Syrup and demolishing her aircraft, Wario blasts the pirates out of their fortress, reclaims his treasures and returns home to resume his nap. However..."
Shoot pauses to eat for a moment.
"Eventually, Wario returns to Syrup Castle and proceeds to a mountain range somewhere near the building. There he discovers a secret cave in which the pirates store their treasures. In a final raid, Wario overcomes the difficulties in the pirate cave and plunders Syrup's riches. He then returns home for the final time, but not without the Giant Spear Man following him closely. The pirate's motivation of doing so is unclear. Though it's not really that unknown. He was tasked with guarding that loot with his life. And he followed that order until his final breath when Wario got sick of him following him."
"These sound-a more like Wario stories and less about-a your boss."
"Do you really want to hear the parts where we stood around waiting for the fat man to show up?"
"Point taken."
"Alright, I got one more in me..."
Dunk summons a basketball and spins it on his finger.
"One night, the greedy pirate Captain Syrup sneaks into a museum looking for treasure to steal, when an item known as the Ancient Globe catches her interest. Upon inspecting it, she sees there is another world within the globe called the Shake Dimension. Within the Shake Dimension, dark clouds have set in as the peace within has been shattered by the marauding pirate known as the Shake King. The Shake King has stolen a legendary treasure known as the Bottomless Coin Sack. He also kidnapped and imprisoned all but one of the peaceful Merfle tribe, along with their queen, Merelda who was tied up. While the Shake King gloats, the one Merfle that managed to escaped imprisonment, vows to find someone from the outside world who can help his people and leaves. Seeing the events unfold, Captain Syrup decides that stealing the treasure for herself may prove too difficult, and so she steals the Ancient Globe from the museum."
"This is where the plot thickens."
"At Wario's garage, Wario is seen fast asleep in his car. At dawn, the bubble that is blowing out of Wario's nose pops and he is awakened from his slumber by the delivery of a very large gift, which, once unwrapped, reveals the Ancient Globe and a note from Captain Syrup explaining that there is great treasure within the Globe. Misinterpreting the note, Wario drops it and gets a hammer. Then, Wario prepares to smash the globe open with the hammer when suddenly smoke bursts from the top, causing Wario to miss and smack his head. The smoke forms a large telescope, which Merfle uses to reach Wario's world. Merfle then greets Wario, causing him to hit his head on the telescope when trying to look up. In a fit of anger, Wario grabs Merfle threateningly and was going to punch him in the face, when Merfle begins pleading for Wario's help."
"Now the tricky parts."
"Merfle explains to Wario, who shows very little interest in the story, even picking his nose as it is being told, about how the Shake King appeared, captured, and imprisoned his people and even stole the legendary treasure. At the mention of treasure, Wario immediately grabs Merfle and shakes him for more information. Merfle explains the properties of the Bottomless Coin Sack to Wario but warns him that if he doesn't rescue the other Merfles he would be stranded in the Shake Dimension. Wario decides that this quest will be worth his time, and prepares to enter the Shake Dimension."
"Because who else will save all that gold?"
"Captain Syrup's role during this adventure is to sell Wario maps of the different continents of the Shake Dimension at the Pirate Shop, which also sells various health recovery items. Captain Syrup is shown to lightly flirt with Wario, calling him 'handsome' on several occasions. After surviving all of the Shake King's traps and minions, Wario is able to battle the Shake King himself. It is a hard and long battle since the Shake King also has some of Wario's moves; however, Wario is able to beat him, resulting in the Shake Dimension being saved at last from the Shake King's evil grip. When Queen Merelda thanks Wario for saving her kingdom, Wario tosses her aside and takes the Bottomless Coin Sack. When returning to his world for the final time, he shakes the bag to collect all the coins he always wanted. However, the celebration doesn't last long. Catching Wario off guard, Captain Syrup takes the Bottomless Coin Sack and all the coins Wario shook out from it and makes a quick getaway. Wario is completely humiliated that he was double-crossed from the very start."
"And thus, story time is over."
"Wow...And here I-a thought he just sat on his-a butt all day eating garlic."
"We did tell you he was awesome."
"I-a still bet coin you-a can't tell us a cool story about Waluigi."
Dunk and Shoot look at each other before grinning.
"How much coin are you willing to part with, mate?"
"Mario, I-a don't think we should..."
"I-a bet fifty coins."
"*sigh* Why do I-a even try?"
"Alright, fool. Prepare to lose some of that gold, because this is the story of Psycho Waluigi."
"Psycho Walu-what?"
"One day, after taking a nasty fall from his hot air balloon, Waluigi wakes up in an unfamiliar land with a strange purple eyeball cloud watching him. The eye identifies itself as Psycho Iris and tells Waluigi that he is in the land of Unconcia. He goes on to explain that due to both the natural influence of the land and his own phenomenal power, Waluigi now has psychic powers. Now that he has his own superpowers, what will he do with them? Save a princess of his own? Nah! He's gonna go take out the Hazelnaut Army and conquer Unconcia for himself, taking over 30 kingdoms."
Hearing that, Mario is regretting making this bet. Luigi is amazed that Waluigi could even be brave enough to go on such an adventure, which is an ironic thought since it's coming from Luigi. But Dunk and Shoot know this story, it has so many confusing details that it almost seemed too good to be true. It's so crazy, it's almost like Waluigi or some fan of his made the whole thing up. Now it's to be told.
First part here: gorillazfan666.deviantart.com/…
Previous part here: gorillazfan666.deviantart.com/…
Next part: gorillazfan666.deviantart.com/…
If you really want to know how I came up with heights, click here. -> vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/s… (I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, Mario and Luigi)
This poster for a Nintendo-approved statue claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8").
Also when it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game.
I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.
Previous part here: gorillazfan666.deviantart.com/…
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If you really want to know how I came up with heights, click here. -> vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/s… (I had to guess height for the Koopalings based on screen images of them next to each other, Mario and Luigi)
This poster for a Nintendo-approved statue claims it to be "life-sized", thus putting Mario's height at 155 cm (5'1"). Using that information along with this universal size chart, it's possible to estimate the height of all of the mainstays of the franchise. From shortest to tallest: a Goomba is 72 cm (2'4"); a Boo is 79 cm (2'7"); Baby Mario is 89 cm (2'11"); Baby Luigi is 90 cm (2'11"); a Shy Guy is 100 cm (3'3"); Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth are 103 cm (3'5"); Diddy and Dixie Kong (on their knuckles) are 113 cm (3'8"); a Koopa Troopa is 120 cm (3'11"); a Dry Bones is 124 cm (4'1"); Bowser Jr. is 131 cm (4'4"); a Hammer Bro. is 142 cm (4'8"); a Bullet Bill is 148 cm (4'10") long and 96 cm (3'2") in diameter; a Wiggler is 159 cm (5'3") tall (not including the flower) and who knows how long; Wario and Birdo are 170 cm (5'7") (Birdo is 196 cm [6'5"] if you include her bow); Luigi and Yoshi are 175 cm (5'9"); Lakitu (including cloud) is 179 cm (5'10"); Daisy is 180 cm (5'11"); Donkey Kong (on his knuckles) and Peach (!!) are 186 cm (6'1"); Waluigi (with his knees bent a bit) is 216 cm (7'1"); Bowser is 262 cm (8'7"); and Petey Piranha is a whopping 389 cm (12'9"). Normal Piranha Plants seem to vary in height depending on how long their bodies are, but the diameter of their heads is about 111 cm (3'8").
Also when it comes to Jr.'s age and that of the Koopalings, I used their first game appearance as their birth year and added till now, this is why Jr. is 15 as Super Mario Sunshine came out 15 years ago and it's his first game.
I'll explain why his age and his appearance don't seem to match later on, but after words I hope it'll make sense to you like it does to me.
If there are any questions, feel free to ask.
© 2018 - 2024 gorillazfan666
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I'm gonna be honest the parts with Mario and Luigi are well made but for me I don't really like them.